Hello. My name is Olga. I created this blog to share the news about the book I’m working on – The Diary of a Peace Corps Gigolo. In part it's fiction and purely a product of my imagination, and in part it’s a reality novel. Well, it’s based on some real evens and experiences of a man, who devoted two years of his life to serving in Peace Corps. I have the closest to the first hand knowledge of his experiences as I’ve lived with this man for over a decade now and heard his stories many times. The man with all the stories and the prototype for the main character in this book is my husband. I thought his adventures were remarkable, funny and worth sharing with the world. So, I’m on the mission now to get this book finished and available to others. I write after all the work is done and after kids are in bed, and sometimes the inspiration takes completely over everything else. Here I present a small “spoiler”, a chapter for you to judge. Depending on the responses, I might post some more.
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September 12, 1996 Got the first location proposal from the Peace Corps. Declined…
November 19, 1996 My destination was set... Yukon Yukon Alaska Alaska Ukraine Africa .
December 15, 1996 Got some more pointers on packing my gear...
Washington D.C. Ukraine
January 16, 1997 I have signed my life away and partied...
January 17, 1997 I am glad we didn’t miss our flight...
January 18, 1997 Traveling in a flying bucket is nothing compared to sleep deprivation... We got a warm Ukrainian welcome...
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THE DIARY OF A PEACE CORPS GIGOLO
Thank you, Mr. Kennedy, for signing that order on March 1st, 1961 . It did more good then you imagined.
“In an important victory for his Cold War foreign policy, President John F. Kennedy signs legislation establishing the Peace Corps as a permanent government agency. Kennedy believed that the Peace Corps could provide a new and unique weapon in the war against communism. Though the Peace Corps is no longer viewed as a weapon against communism, its goal of improving lives remains intact – the Peace Corps outlived the Cold War and continues to send participants to various nations.”
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Forty conquests in twenty-seven months. I would have never imagined this kind of success in my entire lifetime. But, here I am. My name is Matt Herr, and I am a former Peace Corps gigolo.
What you have in your hands is a diary that shows my way to that kind of life.
It all started with a conversation I had with my college buddies Dan and Taylor one hot summer night. We were having fun after their band performance at a nightclub and I don’t quite remember how the Peace Corps talk got mixed in, but that conversation brought me to my life changing experience. We made a bet as to who would be able to join the Peace Corps first. It’s simply amazing some of us actually followed through with this idea. I won the bet as I got accepted first. Dan was accepted and sent to Tanzania
I have a large family, and they pretty much knew nothing about the Peace Corps, so I didn’t get much support from them. My parents thought I was out of my mind and was wasting my time, and my siblings thought I was going on an extended vacation. As it turned out, I didn’t waste my time, but as to the vacation part, well, read further and you will judge for yourself.
One way or another, the adventure began…
CHAPTER 1
WHERE AM I GOING?
The envelope with Peace Corps seal on it arrived. With trembling fingers I opened it and… Turkmenistan
I stopped hoping for another one of these letters from Peace Corps, but one arrived that morning.
I made another reference to the World Atlas. Part of the former Soviet Bloc, borders with Russia Black Sea … Not too bad.
From there on it was decided. I was going to Ukraine
The time for my departure approached fast. I needed some first hand advise as to survival in the unknown land of Ukraine
A girl named Kathy came to my rescue from that list. She was in group one, which was seven groups before mine and recently returned from the Ukraine
“Jeez, I wish I had someone to tell me what to bring before I left. You are lucky you guys have us now. We, so to say, laid the way for you,” she started, “You know, the Ukraine
“Did you like it there?” I asked her when I got a chance to insert a word in her monologue.
“What can I say... I was able to sustain my life there, so can you! You’ll be alright!” She encouraged.
After a good hour on the phone with her, I was able to wrap up the conversation.
“Thanks for your help and your advice,” I thought I got all the information I would be able to use. “I’ll definitely make sure I have two years worth of writing pads, pins and coat hangers and other ... stuff with me.”
“Yeah, and call me if you have more questions, okay?” said Kathy.
“I will, thanks, bye,” my ear was burning from prolonged use.
Coat hangers, zip-lock bags and two years worth of writing pads... I never knew those were essentials. We definitely take a lot of things for granted here. I should have double-checked with her one more time to make sure she really went to Ukraine Uganda
I grew up hearing stories of idealistic young Americans, who braved privation in foreign lands to help people there grow better crops, build better schools and hospitals, teach the world to speak English and do business. All that made good public relations material for the United States county of Ukraine
January 15, 1997 The first date of service, I got a roommate...
The hotel was located a block away from Capitol. I checked in, and when I got upstairs the first surprise was awaiting for me. At first, I thought I got a key to a wrong room, but as it turned out, I had a roommate! I had to sleep in the same room with an absolute stranger, whose belongings were scattered all over the room already, except for a small area by the bed I assumed was left for me. I was naive to hope for personal accommodations on the way to a third world country. Okay, I guess I would have to get used to challenges, even if they came in a form of a stranger, with whom I had to spend the next two nights in the same room. Thank God, not in the same bed!
I dropped off my bags and went back downstairs to see if I could find any of my future “comrades in arms.” In response to my question whether any of the other Peace Corps volunteers have checked in, the receptionist pointed to the guy sitting by the window with a newspaper in his hands. I approached him.
“Hi, I’m Matt. Are you with the Peace Corps group?” I introduced myself.
“Yeah, I am. My name is Sean. Nice to meet you,” said Sean getting up from his seat. We shook hands in greeting. He was about my age, which was twenty-eight at that time. This was the only common feature in our appearances. His blond hair and blue eyes were suggesting he had some Scandinavian heritage, which is absolutely not like me.
“It looks like we are the first ones to arrive,” I told him looking around.
“Looks like it,” Sean agreed, “When did you get here?”
“I would say about an hour ago at the very most. How about you?”
“Oh, about the same. Do you have any dinner plans?” Sean said without hesitation.
“I like people who get straight to the point and it looks like we are on the same page!” I said with a smile. “I don’t have any plans. They have a restaurant and a bar in the hotel.”
“Great, how about we grab some dinner there?”
“Perfect!” I said making an “after you” gesture and letting Sean lead the way.
I was glad I would not have to eat alone.
At dinner, we got in a conversation about our motives to joining the Peace Corps. Sean turned out to be quite an interesting guy with a strong commitment to change the world. He was in management at some firm in Silicon Valley before joining the Peace Corps and now had a singular objective of showing the Ukrainians the way they should do business.
“And the other thing is, they have to have technology. I’m sure they don’t know what a computer is. Hooking them up on the global networks is the key to getting them on the right track. It’s obvious!” Sean went into expanding on his theory of conquering the Ukraine
We will see who gets the teaching, I thought.
Even though, I am a grateful listener, but after a while a tennis match broadcasted on a TV screen won the competition for my attention. I think Sean sensed my loss of interest in his theory and decided to change the focus of the conversation.
“So, what brought you to join in?” he asked.
My story was not as nearly complicated as his.
“Oh, I’m here on a bet with friends,” I said looking into my beer mug. I raised my eyes to see Sean’s confused expression. “You see, we got in a bet to find out who would be the first one the Peace Corps would accept and I won. Hopefully my luck will continue. Although I still have to collect my hundred bucks for my win from them.”
Sean looked at me suspiciously. I bet he was surprised.
For now the supper was over. I was exhausted from the trip and decided not to go out that night. After giving my regards to Sean, I went back upstairs and collapsed on the bed. Sleep came instantly, but not for long, as my roommate showed up and he was very loud. He just went about his business banging the door, zipping and unzipping his suitcase again and again, as if he didn’t notice someone else in the room and that someone else was trying to sleep! My eyelids opened and I regretted it in an instant. Jeez, can you cover yourself with at least a towel? I thought as I saw what I saw... A strong urge to say something nasty to him was about to leave my lips, but I remembered, I was now braving privation in the Peace Corps, and decided not to go on the warpath just this once. I turned on the other side and placed a pillow over my head.
The morning was slightly better. When I woke up, my roommate was still sleeping. It’s a very weird thing to see other people’s sleeping habits. He had a pillow over his head. I wondered if it was normal for him or... wait a minute...
Looks like someone got a payback! I was laughing hysterically inside. I knew I snored, and it looked like on the scale of disturbed sleep we were now even. I spent good thirty minutes in the shower. I looked in the mirror and thought that my sister cut my hair too short, making me look like I had a balding spot, even though I didn’t have one. Since my hair was black, my olive skin tended to shine through if it was cut too short. I looked at myself sideways and thought that I should’ve used my YMCA membership more regularly. I didn’t let this fact bring me down.
My roommate was gone by the time I was out of the shower, but not for long. He returned, and I got to meet him.
After quick introductions, Joe and I went out for breakfast. The breakfast lounge was filled with people. Where did all of them come from? This place had been like a tomb last night. Most of them had to be part of our group. I saw Sean, and he joined Joe and me at our breakfast table. Joe was very talkative.
“I needed something different, I needed an adventure,” Joe explained enthusiastically between rounds of stuffing his mouth with turkey sausage. “Being a financial advisor for a bank like ours is prestigious, but it doesn’t give you the adrenaline rush. I need something more dynamic. So, when I saw an ad in the New York Times about joining the Peace Corps for a business opportunity, that sounded completely crazy and out of character for me, but I decided to apply. What’s holding me here? Nothing. I’m a free bird, like you!” Joe pointed at me with his fork, grinned and continued chewing his toast.
We met others during breakfast. Most of us were young, ambitious, and ready to face the unknown. Later our recruiter came to lead us to the conference room, where we would have our orientation and where we had to sign some paper work, like life insurance, and a contact list of people to be notified in the case of death… Wait a minute! That piece of paper made me think hard again. Could this really be dangerous? That was the moment when a Peace Corps country advisor came to give us a motivational speech about the importance of volunteering and the impact we would make on the society of the country that we were heading to. She surely was persuasive, and I left my dark thoughts behind. Oh, so that’s what a motivational speech can do with the soldiers before they are thrown in to the path of danger...
For lunch I went out on my own, just to reflect on everything that was about to happen in my life. Just to really understand it for myself, define why I was there. I think I have a purpose. Would I do something crazy like joining Peace Corps without a bet? I think I would.
I went to one of Smithsonian Museums on the Mall to look around and do my thinking. It was hard to realize that the unknown land will have to be my home for the next couple of years, and I had to leave everything that I was accustomed to behind, not to mention my family and friends. Nevertheless, I was determined and wanted to do something right for a change. I really was under the impression that we were the key to bringing the positive change to the way the post-soviet Ukraine
In the evening, we faced our next challenge as we all went out for what we heard was the best pizza in town. We had to walk more than a mile to this place! But that didn’t spoil the evening, or the drinks. We were like sailors before departure for a long voyage at sea. We spent a nice chunk of the night in Pizza Mia. After a couple of drinks, some girls started dancing on the table with a retired attorney. I was just enjoying the show everyone else were putting on for me with their silly antics. Our last night in the States! And then the pizza place manager started begging us to leave as some of the folks became too wild. A bunch of professionals were behaving like college kids who were set loose. I hope we will provide a better representation of our country overseas…
We had to be out of the hotel by seven in the morning, as our flight would leave at eleven. Everybody had huge bags packed with coat hangers and other stuff to last us two years. All the necessities, you know. Apparently, I was not the only one who had listened to “useful” advice. We made it to the airport, but we didn’t know where we were supposed to go. Even our trip organizers didn’t really know which gate we were supposed to go to. That made us feel really, really secure! Thanks, fellow citizens! One would think they had done this before.
Are you sure we’ll end up where you said we would? I thought. We finally made it to the gate about a half hour after boarding had already started. Surprise, surprise! Obviously, we didn’t get first class seats either. Hello, economy!
Our path laid through Germany
We had a short layover in Frankfurt . Our next plane would take us to Kiev Ukraine Soviet Union in 1991. The aircraft we got on was operated by Ukrainian Airlines, a descendant of old Soviet-era Aeroflot. Their airplanes were from the Soviet-era as well. So, upon entry to the plane each of us had to gulp for air from shock of what we saw.
Does this thing really fly? I repressed my desire to ask one of the flight attendants if they actually flew in this thing before or if they were towed in. This flying bucket seemed to be falling apart. The interior was chipped everywhere. Little signs with writing in an unfamiliar alphabet were partially erased, scratched, dented or missing all together, leaving holes in the surface, where they were once attached. One of the folding tables in the front row was not cooperating with a flight attendant. He was trying to keep it positioned, but it kept falling out from the wall it was attached to. So, he just banged it into the wall with his massive fist, and the table got stuck there permanently. Laura, one of the girls in our group, got to be the lucky one to take a seat with that table. I had a window seat and could not help but to check for holes in the walls. Likely, I didn’t find any, but I still felt more then a little uncomfortable about the whole experience. Now I knew why we had to have life insurance.
The plane took off and took us with it. Soon it was time for stewards to serve snacks. I guess our flight was understaffed and I swear, it looked like one of the pilots came out to hand out the trays with food. He worked as if he knew that he left the craft on autopilot (probably a broom-shift… you know, like you stick the broom under the steering wheel to keep it in position) and had to hurry up. He was handing out plastic trays the way a dealer serves out cards in the casino, doling out three or more trays with one hand. We just had to catch them, to make sure the contents would not spill on anyone. Laura had to use her lap as her fold out table, because hers was not unfolding out anymore after a quick repair that took place just before our flight took off.
By the way, Laura was the pretty girl in our group. She was graceful and dressed with good taste. Good taste in clothes meant “fits like a glove” in my definition. All of us guys were making bets as to who would be able to date her first.
Meanwhile, the weird trip turned into a nightmare. After the food was served I heard loud exclamations from the front of the cabin. It sounded like swearing, for even though I doubt that the crew spoke English, some of the words were disturbingly familiar. A flight attendant ran back and forth in the aisle, looking for something. Finally it seemed he found what he was looking for. He carried an ax toward the cockpit. Were we being hijacked? No. But my suspicions turned out to be right. The guy who helped to serve the food was in fact a pilot, and we were traveling in a broom-shift autopilot mode. But it was not the biggest of our problems. The real problem was a locked door to the cockpit. The door to the cockpit got jammed somehow after the pilot came out to assist with meals, and now he could not get back in. And that was something essential to our ability to land. That’s why they needed an ax. After a round of ax swinging the door gave in.
Soon our captain announced we were descending to the Borispol International Airport
“We are now ready to open the gate. The Peace Corps volunteers are asked to remain in their seats, all other passengers can now leave the plane. Please be careful with the overhead compartments when you open them to remove your belongings, your items might have shifted during the flight. It was a pleasure serving you today.” She repeated the same message in a language I could not understand, probably in Ukrainian.
Passengers started making their way to the exit, and we remained seated. Laura looked at me, searching for comfort, her eyes big with worry. I think the expression on my face mirrored hers and that didn’t help her at all. Her eyes suddenly filled with tears.
”Look, they have machine guns!” someone shouted.
“We are dead meat!” Sean blabbered and rubbed his nose and his ears as if they were cold.
I had never been surrounded by military before. Whatever they wanted to do with us they could.
After the last passenger left the plane, the soldier entered the cabin, where we patiently awaited our fate. He waved a universal gesture for “follow me.”
They took us to a separate place from all the other passengers, and we were told to give up our passports to one of the guards. I would never think this kind of reception would be a part of diplomatic honors.
“Passport!” I heard barking voice of the guard addressing me. I opened my shirt pocket and pulled my passport out. The guard pretty much didn’t even wait for me to hand the passport over to him. He just grabbed it from my hand. He opened it casually and gave me a dirty look and a smirk, after he read my name. He collected the passports of others and left with them.
All the stories I have ever heard of human trafficking ran through my head. Will I ever see my passport back? I am sure I was not alone thinking about human trafficking at that point. No one said a word while the guard was out with passports. Only footsteps of two armed soldiers, who stayed in the room with us, were disturbing the silence. The time was running slower then usually.
In about ten minutes the guard came back with our passports. More sounds started to saturate the room and the first one was everyone’s exhale. Mine included.
“Good luck!” said the guard, laughing as he returned my passport to me. I was not sure if he laughed at me or with me. Since I was not laughing, it was a sure bet he was laughing at me. He gave me one more smirk and a dirty smile as he patted me on my shoulder. I surely got some special treatment from that guy.
Next, we were led to pick up our luggage. All of us had more suitcases then we possibly could carry, and we had to make multiple trips from the baggage claim to the bus, there were no carts visible anywhere around. We loaded our belongings onto an old bus. It would eventually take us to our training site in the city of Cherkassy Kiev
As it turned out, this was one of the best hotels in Kiev Bratislava
“Need friend?” a female voice with a strange accent asked on the other end.
From lack of sleep during the flight and dreaded cold, I could hardly comprehend anything by then, needless to say an accent. As a result of comprehension deficiency I thought they meant something like “Are you friendly?” or “Do you come in peace?” I was so annoyed by the reception that we got so far, by the exhaustion and cold that I felt in every part of my body, and now this phone call asking about my intentions here! I didn’t know what to expect anymore. Was this the way locals communicate? I didn’t know. I could not understand their intentions, like that guard in the airport. He certainly confused the heck out of me, and now this! If this is how the difficulties of adjusting to the new country start, I just have to accept it.
Therefore, my response was “Yeah, yeah, I’m a friend.” I hung up and passed out. I don’t know if it was a couple of minutes or a couple of hours, I could not see the clock, but I heard a knock on my door. It had to be past , but who knows, maybe there was a fire somewhere and they would need a Peace Corps volunteer to put it out. I gathered all my remaining strength and hobbled to the door. After a little struggle with the door lock, I was able to open it. My exhaustion disappeared immediately. A woman, looking like a crossbreed between Cindy Crawford and Milla Jovovich was standing in front of me. She wore a short coat, a miniskirt, despite the dreaded cold and high-heeled boots. Her long dark hair was flowing down her back.
“How can I help you?” I asked her, accenting on the last word, but she didn’t respond and just smiled at me and let herself in. In a moment, she was by the couch, as I continued to stand by the door dumbfounded.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa… Wait a minute! It’s quite a surprise... I think you confused the rooms…” I said following after her. But the girl just shook her head and proceeded to take her coat off.
At that moment everything just came to me. The phone call didn’t ask about my intentions as a Peace Corps volunteer in this country. They were asking about my other intentions for that night! Obviously they understood me as well as I understood them. She was good looking alright, but I didn’t feel like any kind of human interaction at this point nor did I want to begin my experience in this country from that kind of step. And did I mention it was awfully cold?
“No, no, no… There was a misunderstanding,” I said to her, and tried to stop her from taking her coat off. “Thank you, but I need to sleep.”
She didn’t seem to understand, but she stopped what she was doing. It looked like I got her attention, so I made a universal sleep gesture, like palms together and under your cheek. She smiled flirtatiously, but was just standing there, clapping her eyelashes at me. I guess her translation of my gesture differed from mine. It was as if she was not only deaf, but dumb too. I figured she was here for the money and if I gave her some money, maybe she would leave. I couldn’t guess what the local rate might have been, so I got ten bucks out of my wallet and put it in the girl’s hand. She took the money, but still was standing there, so I waived at her and said “Bye-bye.” She started mumbling something angrily under her breath. I bet I am lucky I could not understand. She grabbed her coat with gesture showing how irritated she was and headed for the door.
Will this day ever end? I thought to myself as I locked the door behind her. The exhaustion returned and took over my body with full force. I collapsed on the bed again and didn’t wake up until my alarm went off.
